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Tumbler Ridge Counselling Services |
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Extra-Marital Affairs
As much as some people may say "Variety is the spice of life", it certainly does not apply when it comes to extra-marital affairs. The impact of an affair upon a marriage or common law relationship can be devastating. The sense of betrayal can feel overwhelming. With the betrayal is loss, grief, pain, self doubts, questions, anger and guilt. And although no one enters into a relationship in order to betray it through having an affair, none the less they still happen.
It important to know that there are different types of affairs and the fact that an affair took place does not necessarily mean that your relationship is over. I have had the opportunity to work with couples where one individual has had an affair and if they both are willing to go through the counselling process, they can end up having a better relationship than what they started with.
You say, but how can that be? Well, when a couple can work through the pain of an affair and learn how and why it happened. They can also learn what needs to change within the relationship to make it more meaningful for both parties. They can learn how to protect their relationship from future tragedies occurring.
This is not to say that after an affair the one who was betrayed must continue on in the relationship. No. If the person who had the affair is not painfully sorry for the act, does not take full responsibility for their behavior and is not willing to go for counselling to really deal with their own behavior and their marriage relationship, then it is questionable whether there is a solid enough foundation in the relationship to warrant continuation of the relationship.
Some online resources to check out regarding affairs:
| The site was created by the author of The Monogamy Myth. It contains a lot of good information, has two online support groups and provides links to other sites about affairs and marriage. | |
| A site dedicated to over coming marital conflict and to restoring love. It has a new section on affairs and a good article on what children learn when their parent has an affair. This site is based on the work of W.F.Harley. | |
| This site offers information about different types of affairs, has a self-assessment questionaire, information on getting help, a discussion board as well as an entertaining poll of the week. |
If you want to send me your comments or questions email me, Russ Webb at trcs@spcs.bc.ca.
