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Strategies
for Dealing With Uncertainty for You and Your Family
By Russell Webb, MA
Uncertainty can cause a great deal of stress for workers and their families. Our children do not go untouched by it all, as they sense and know more than we give them credit. They too feel the uncertainty. If they feel that a change shakes the family stability, they may negatively act out their feelings. This leads to parent-child conflict and greater family tension. Anticipated change can also trigger anticipated loss and grief. So, what can a family do to cope during a time of transition, uncertainty and stress? Here are 8 strategies for you and your family to consider.
1. Share With Your Children.
Your children are going through uncertainty as much as (if not more so) you are. Parents want to protect their children and tend to think that not sharing with their kids is helping them. They don’t want to share anything with their children until they are sure themselves as to what is happening. However, even in the uncertainty, it is important to share with your children the things that you are certain of - your love for them; that you’ll make sure they know as soon as you know; that their needs are important to you; that you are staying at least until a certain date; that you are going to stick together as a family, etc. These things may seem small but they add to your children’s sense of security.
2. Watch Your Cues.
As parents we need to recognize that our children take our cues in regard to how to interpret life events. If we view an event as a catastrophic, it can traumatize our child. This is not to say that we shouldn’t be honest about the facts, but we do have a choice in how we wish to interpret the facts. How you respond to stress and change will automatically teach your children how to respond and interpret stress and change. Ask yourself what you would like your kids to learn through this situation. With that answer you’ll know how to present that facts to them.
3. Have Family Meetings.
Organize weekly or biweekly family meeting where everyone can express their feelings. It’s a wonderful opportunity for parents to listen to their kids. Ask your children how the situation impacts them, what their needs are and how the family as a whole can help to meet each other’s needs. Open communication and acceptance of your child’s feelings goes a long ways to relieving their stress decreasing their need to act out their feelings with negative behaviour.
4. Discuss Options With The Whole Family.
Discuss options, pros and cons, gains and losses with everyone in the family. Allow everyone to recognize that there are gains and losses for everyone in the family. Have your kids brainstorm how the family can help each other through the transition. How can everyone work and support each other? Appreciate their input and see how it could be done.
5. If Looking For Work, Use The “Buddy System”.
Connect with at least one other person who is also looking for work. Work together as a team to motivate and encourage each other to action – to do what you need to do to find work. Isolation only brings feelings of depression and leads to less action at a time when taking action is crucial.
6. Journal Your Emotional Journey.
If you are being laid off and do not know what your plans are, write your thoughts, feelings, questions, fears, and frustrations in a journal. Research has shown that people who wrote out their emotional journey found work more quickly after being laid
off than those who did not. Why is this so? Journaling helps people to
express and deal with their emotional baggage from their old job. It helped them
to let go, so that they could move on. When being interviewed for the new job,
there would be less negative emotional residue left over from the previous job
to interfere with the chances of being hired in a new position.
7. Draw Your Circle.
Draw a circle and write outside the circle everything that is out of your control in regard to your situation. Then write everything that is within your control inside the circle and ask yourself, “Where is my energy and focus going?” If you are a worrier, chances are you are focusing on things outside the circle. Focusing on things outside your control wastes precious time and energy. To guard against this, actively turn your focus on things inside the circle and pursue doing all those things that are within your control. You’ll also feel a whole lot better.
8. Reach Out.
Recognize that there is a community around you. If you or your family need support, reach out to friends, family, church, community organizations and counselling services. Also, recognize that others in our community may need to be reached out to and that you can make a difference in someone else’s life. Making the effort can make all the difference – for them and for you.
If you have any questions about anything written above, please feel free to send us an email with your question and we will answer it as quickly and fully as we can.
INTERNET RESOURCES:
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How to Manage Sources of Stress - An excellent article by Edward A. Dreyfus, Ph.D. http://www.shpm.com/articles/stress/stress2.html
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Meditations and Relaxation: 20 Minutes A Day Can Make A Difference - Article by Marianne Ross, Ph.D. http://www.shpm.com/articles/stress/medrel.html
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The Procrastination Puzzle: To Do, Not To Do, or Deep Doodoo - An Article by Mark Gorkin, LICSW. http://www.shpm.com/articles/stress/procrast.html
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Professional Life Stress Scale - take this test to measure your level of stress. http://www.hcc.hawaii.edu/intranet/committees/FacDevCom/guidebk/teachtip/stress-t.htm
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Ways of Dealing with Stress - Need some ideas for finding an activity that will help you dealing your won stress, try some of the ideas here. http://www.kirstimd.com/copest2.htm
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Where Is Your Locus Of Control? Take this online test and find out which attribution style you tend to use. If you have an external locus of control your ability to deal with uncertainty will increase. Find out more about this concept and whether it relates to you. http://www.queendom.com/tests/lc.html
If you have any questions or comments about this publication, feel free to email Russ Webb at russ.webb@spcs.bc.ca.
