Member
of  North East Counselling Services |
|
|
|
 |
Tumbler Ridge Counselling Services |
|
|
|
|
|
|
Conflict Resolution
By: Carolyn M. Usher
Conflict
is a normal, healthy part of every relationship. If there is no conflict,
it would mean that there were no differences of opinion; no independent
thinking. It's normal, but that doesn't mean it isn't stressful,
particularly between parents and children.
Faced with a conflict, the first thing a parent needs to do is ask themselves where the conflict is coming from. Who actually owns the problem that is causing the conflict? For example, a parent may feel that he is in conflict with a child because the child frequently forgets to take her lunch to school. This makes the parent crazy because the parent then has to interrupt his morning to drive to school and deliver the lunch.
Or
does he?
Really think through whether permitting your child to experience the logical consequences of his or her actions might not be a better solution. No one starves to death because they missed eating lunch and the child may need to take back the responsibility for whether she takes or does not take her lunch to school. With each area of parent/child conflict, truly think through whether it should even be a source of conflict.
Another common area of family conflict is that between siblings. Some ideas for resolving these conflicts are offered below.
It's helpful to remember that resolving conflict requires creativity and works the best when you can put some time between the heat of conflict and the problem-solving session. If you have scheduled Family Council Meetings, put "the problem" on the agenda to discuss when all parties are cooler and can think creatively.
Creative Conflict Resolution
Conflict resolution is effective when you take the emphasis off "me versus you" and redirect it into "we versus the problem."
The following technique works equally well, whether the conflict is parent/child or between siblings. Even young children are very creative brainstormers!
-
Schedule a meeting of the parties concerned at a time when everyone has calmed down.
-
Have each person, in turn, explain their feelings. They should not be interrupted during their turn to speak. One person should take notes.
-
The person who took notes should read back what each person has said. Each person should have an opportunity to clarify their position if they feel they need to.
-
Invite everyone involved to brainstorm ideas for a solution to the problem. Do not make judgments about whether ideas are good or bad or even possible. For now, just brainstorm and record ideas.
-
As
a group, go through the list of ideas,
one by one. Talk about how each of the ideas might or might not
work. Through discussion, find a solution to the conflict that
everyone involved can live with. The solution will not likely be
anyone's first choice, but it will be something everyone can live with. -
As a last resort, a parent may need to impose a decision, but this is always the least effective way to achieve a peace.
-
Follow-up: Schedule a second meeting in a week or two to see if everyone is satisfied with how things are going.
This article has been reprinted with permission from Family-Life Skills Cards, published by the:
You can check out their website at www.bccf.bc.ca
If you have any questions about anything written above, please feel free to send us an email with your question and we will answer it as quickly and fully as we can.
INTERNET RESOURCES:
1. Conflict Resolution Questionnaire - A Conflict Resolution Questionnaire. Easy to take and can tell you a lot about yourself.
http://www.commnet.edu/QVCTC/classes/conflict/questnr.html2. Resolving Conflict Constructively and Respectfully - Article http://www.ag.ohio-state.edu/~ohioline/hyg-fact/5000/5218.html
3. Resolving Family Conflicts - an Acrobat Reader file to Print http://virtual.clemson.edu/groups/agcomm/pubs/Pages/fyd/HEL69.pdf
4. Family: Resolving Conflicts - an Acrobat Reader file to Print http://www.colostate.edu/Depts/CoopExt/PUBS/CONSUMER/10228.pdf
5. Dimostenis's Conflict Resolution Page - a collection of links, search tools, and articles for researchers interested in conflict and conflict resolution.
http://www.geocities.com/Athens/8945/6. CRCII Home Page - Conflict Resolution Center International is a non-profit center promoting non-violent conflict resolution. CRCI is home of one of the largest libraries on conflict and dispute resolution.
http://www.conflictres.org/7. Lamarsh Centre for Research on Violence & Conflict Resolution
The LaMarsh Centre is mandated to support, conduct, and disseminate
the results of research on violence and conflict resolution in the broad
sense.
http://www.yorku.ca/research/lamarsh/8. A Step By Step Approach - to Conflict Resolution http://www.journeytoteams.com/conflict.htm
